Early Morning Minds Dialog - Short Story by Scott Thompson

Gotta Shave -Wish I didn’t have to shave.
-Let me wake up some first, I’ll take my shower now.
-Which shampoo should I use? Does my head itch? No, not now. Did it itch yesterday? No, not that I can remember. I’ll skip the strong stuff and just use the Head & Shoulders. It’s generic, Wal-Mart brand Head & Shoulders. It works just as well. I’m not broke and poor anymore. I guess I could use the real stuff now. But why, it works just as well. I am cheap though, about some things anyway.
-Armpits and crotch, armpits and crotch. Chest. No need to wash the belly, the soap from my chest will just slide right down and clean the belly. Efficient really. I am known for efficiency. Well, not really, but I would like to be known for efficiency. Does saving time by not having to wash my belly make me more efficient? Yes, yes it does. How about that. Ha!

-Hey now, don’t forget to rinse the head. Man, I hate my hair. I’m not bald yet. That’s good. Tim’s bald. It fits him though. I would look goofy bald.
-Dry off the chest first. Now the head. Saves heat. Oh! Cold floor, step on the rug, the rug, yeah, better.
-Hate shaving. Water does get hot faster after a shower. Must be something to do with the pipes already having hot water in them from my shower. Two story. Must be hard for hot water to get up this high. Hmmm, maybe not though. Heat rises. Good point. Probably tough for the cold water then. Here comes the tough part. Got to line up the sideburns. Eyes are crooked. Lined up. Good job.

-What underwear to wear. Rhonda put this load in the drawer for me yesterday. She folded them. I usually roll them. She made everything fit so well. Amazing, well, not really amazing, but very impressive. Black. I’ll go with the black today. No holes. Looks good in the mirror. I could be an underwear model. Except for my gut. I’ll have to work on that.
-Should have ironed more clothes. Does this match with these pants? Close enough. Getting dressed stinks. I’m lucky that I don’t have to wear a tie. No tie. Nooo tie. Ta da! My belts look cheap. Oh well.

-Turn on the lights this time before going down the stairs. Watch the toe, watch the little toe. Any pain, nope. Still has swelling. Bruised still. Won’t walk around in the dark again. Don’t really need my little toe anyway. I think I could cut it off and do just fine. That would look funny. What was my great uncle’s name that had six toes on one foot? His father was from Scotland. His mother Alabama. Odd combo. If I cut mine off I would have four toes. He had six. He could give me one of his extras then. He is dead, so that wouldn’t work. Or maybe it would. He was old when he died. Do I really want an old man toe? Just keep this one for now.

-Out to the cold. Hey, it isn’t that cold. Oh no, yes it is. There’s the wind. Get to the car, key ready. Key. Warm this puppy up. Man it’s dirty in here. Well, I should do something about it. Ok, this weekend I’ll clean it. Probably not. Am I bad for letting it get so dirty? Rhonda keeps her car clean, except for the wheels. I clean her wheels. I should though. Wheel cleaning is a man’s job. Is that sexist? No, she is good with my underwear drawer and I’m good with wheel cleaning. Hmm, but I’m not really that good, and she is really good with the drawers. Black people are good at cleaning wheels. Maybe I should ask the next black person I see how they get their wheels so clean. Is that racist?

-So cold, back inside. Don’t forget lunch.
-Lunch, what will I eat today. Oh, yeah spaghetti from last night. I always get it on my shirt. I need to start taking my shirt off when I eat spaghetti. That wouldn’t be a good idea at work. HA! Lunch on the top shelf. Nice fridge. I think it makes Rhonda happy. Wow, she really did a good job organizing this thing. Big black fridge. Beer. I need more beer. Six in there now, been there for months. It is good for a man to have beer in his fridge.
-Keys, lunch, book for lunch break. Lights off. Don’t forget the lights. Scares Rhonda when she comes home if I forget the lights.

Nice and warm now. Good heat in this old car. No need to sell it. Runs good. 90 point 1? 99 point 7? Choices. Don’t want to listen to another stupid half hour game on Ninety Nine X. Ninety Six Rock, can’t put up with their bashing everyone today. Ok, Ninety point One. NPR. Always safe. Talking about UN and Iraq war. So screwed up.
-World is changing. Always changes.